Renewed Faith

I had another one of those phone calls last night. You know… the dramatic family kind that makes you worry and cry for a few hours. I cannot describe to you how tired I am of those calls. Yet they will continue until God does something to help a few members of my family. After I fall apart it takes me a bit to get back to normal and remember that God really is in control – even if things are crappy at the moment. My stamina is greatly depleted for handling those situations. Instead of gaining strength, sometimes it feels like I am weaker than ever. I call to mind those verses by Paul such as “when I am weak, then I am strong” – In that case I should be Hercules.

I’m disappointed in myself because I want to react in faith and strength….and often I do… but not yesterday. Yesterday I felt like there was no hope and there was nothing I could do and like God wasn’t doing anything to take care of my brothers. So I had my cry and now today I’ve got to pick myself back up, get my attitude fixed and try to let God give me some hope. *deep sigh* Here’s to starting over, and working on standing strong in spite of the chaos.

I am determined to fight and be different. By God’s grace this can be overcome. I am going to hold my head high, cast off the fear and let God do something for us. If David and Joseph and John and Paul could remain close to God and get through the struggles in their lives – then so can I. Expect this to be my last whining post for a while. Blogging is more of an outlet for me to vent than anything else. Feels better already.

But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. Isaiah 40:31

I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD. Psalm 27:13-14